Today, my oldest two kids came home from visiting family in Tennessee. I have never been so happy to see their faces. And the look different. I can't tell you how they look different, but someway they did. We talked about Shaun, Cassie, and everything that happened in the past 6 weeks. Those poor kids have been through it. It is so hard to process what all has happened - to make their little minds understand that God is in control. And so hard to not break down and try to be the strong one - while they are crying in my arms over all the stressful events. I personally can't even imagine going through what I am as a child. And that's what they are experiencing right now. As a momma, you want to make everything better - give the kids a great life - and make it better than yours ever was. I feel like I am off to a poor start. But Isabella told me something today out of the blue. She said, "It makes me so sad that Shaun died - but I am so happy he is happy. And, I wouldn't change anything - because he loved me a whole lot." And he couldn't have said it better himself. He did love her "a whole lot".
As much as I hurt, as sad as I get, I have some awesome kids. I am so thankful for them. Thankful for the thumbprint that Shaun left on their hearts. Thankful that they knew such an amazing love like they knew from him. They are going to be better people because of it. And that makes me love him even more - even though it hurts a lot.
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