Fifteen years ago - I was a completely different person. I didn't wear makeup. I didn't have a "hair style" per se. I was overweight. And frankly, I felt like I didn't deserve any better. Now - that being said, I wasn't some depressed, emo, sad sack type of person. I was kinda factual. I had become overweight - so there was no point in buying flattering clothes - because I thought I would never look good in them anyway. I didn't wear makeup - same reason. Hair - same reason. I was just super duper plain.
Fast forward a few years - I met a girl who become my best friend ever. She kinda had an intervention with me. She told me to get my own sweats - and quit wearing my husbands. She took me out and got me first "cutesy" sweatsuit. And I say sweatsuit, because there was no way I would wear anything but that. And guess what? I had a shape - some might call "hourglass". It might have been a yearly hourglass - but hourglass, nonetheless.
Fast forward again. I lost the weight. Started getting into clothes. Was much more confident. I began working out. I was more active. I had great people in my life. I was happy. And then... we all know what happened. I went to bed blissfully happy. I woke up in a nightmare that I thought would never end.
There was a lot of self reflection that happened over that next year. First, I really embraced the aspect of "you only live once." I don't mean that in a reckless way - I mean it in a - seize the day, type of way. I always loved edgy clothes, hair, makeup, all of it. Whether I looked like it or not - I always got Cosmo - was intrigued by fashion shows... I loved it - but was embarrassed to love it because I felt like people would think... "Ummmm.... really? She doesn't look like it... " And, in turn - I would be made fun of.
Guess what? Make fun of me. Don't like my clothes? I do. Don't like my makeup? I do. Don't like my accent? I do. Don't like my tattoos? I do. Don't like my Jeep? Then we can't talk. I kid. But, you get what I'm saying.
I feel like through my outward appearance:
1. I am showing my resilience... because I have a lot of it. I am a fighter. I believe life can never defeat me - unless I allow it. No outcome of any situation will control me. I am tough.
2. I am happy. Not to sound like Pharrell... But I really am. I mean, my life is far from perfect. But I am really, and truly deep down happy.
I want my outside to match the insides...And I do that through makeup and clothes. It's my thing. I don't see any problems with my face without it. I just like it. It's like creating a painting - on yourself. :-)
