*Disclaimer – this was written almost a month ago. I just wasn’t sure if I wanted to post it or
not. But, today – I thought someone
could benefit from it.*
I hope this helps someone today.
Too much to get into all the details – but today – I felt
unappreciated. It’s one of those things
where it was weighing on my mind and heart.
Where you feel your heart,
like are actually aware of the organ in your chest. Swallowing seemed difficult. And I felt like the weight of the
world on my shoulders and wanted to cry.
And then, it hit
me. I am doing what I can. And I don’t need the outside approval of
others to confirm that for myself. So
many people are focused on being perfect, rich, smartest, best, number one, etc
– and I felt like, here I am – trying to make my tribe (and all those related
to it) feel loved and valued. While trying to productive, perfect, make money, have the best numbers, look pretty, and be noticed and successful. And I don’t feel like anyone cares or
appreciates it. And yes - I just admitted - I care about all the things that I said others focus on. I am not judging. I am just saying, I also try to add value and love to those I interact with first.
It hit me. Stop
focusing on feeling bad. Focus on the
fact that you are alive and happy.
Realize that not everyone is always going to behave the way you want
them to. And just because they don’t –
doesn’t mean that they don’t care. It
just means – that they might be going through their own stuff. They might not feel like they need to
acknowledge it. And honestly, why do I
expect acknowledgement? Shouldn’t I be
doing it – because I mean it, I love them, and I want the best for them - with no
level of expectation back?
Absolutely. Sometimes,
things can get so overwhelming for me – I feel like I can’t breathe. I have worn my emotions on my sleeve for
years – but one day, I started choking them down.
And just because I choke them down – doesn’t mean that they aren’t
there. They just aren’t seen as visibly
to everyone. So, to everyone who tells
me how strong I am – thank you. But the only real strength I have, is being able to hide my feelings from most people.
Here is real talk. I
am not that strong. I am actually pretty
weak. I have basic needs. I need to be loved. Valued.
And appreciated. I get
lonely. I get sad. I get scared.
I get overwhelmed. And all of
that can happen in under thirty seconds!
Where I feel weaker – is the fact that I struggle with admitting that I
am human. There is a total of about 3
people on this planet who know that part of me. I am grateful for them - because without them - I'd probably lose my mind. I don’t admit it often. But today, I thought – let it rip. Someone needs to know it’s okay to be human,
too. But while we are being human – let’s
extend some grace to our loved ones and let them be human, also.
Because let's be honest - our feelings aren't facts.
Because let's be honest - our feelings aren't facts.
Xoxo.
Kristie
