Lessons in Gratitude...

This morning, I woke up - and felt a little off.  Off like in annoyed.  Ya know what I mean.  That annoyed where you just wanna get under your warm blankets and sleep for another 15 minutes (which might escalate to two hours).  So, let's just say I was a touch cranky.

Then, I swallow.  And I shook my head.  My throat was killing me.  On one side only.  So, I saunter myself into the kitchen, probably feeling sorry for myself, and start to fix some tea.  While the water is boiling, I scroll facebook. There was my reality check.

I have friends who are sooooo sick - not a scratchy throat.  I have friends who have family members who are battling cancer.  I have friends who have lost husbands, fathers, wives, and children - all within the past few weeks.  And here I am, having a pity party for my scratchy throat.

Then, my snapchat streaks and "good morning" texts start going off.  Had a friend with a flat tire.  Another friend who has a child that is puking.  Another friend who is in the process of looking for her nephew. And here I am, having a pity party for my scratchy throat.

I fix my tea.  I walk upstairs.  In my home.  I open my closet, and pick out my clothes.  I take a hot shower.  I put on my makeup.  I kiss my three healthy kids goodbye.  I go to my garage, to my jeep.  A jeep that has gas in it.  I drive to my job.  My job that is amazing.  I hug all my co-workers, because I genuinely love these people.  Yet, there I was having a pity party over a scratchy throat.

Now I am not here to say that we aren't gonna have bad days - but let's just put our bad days into perspective. Here is what it boils down to.  I am loved, so much.  And I made to feel loved every day.  My kids are wickedly amazing and healthy. I have a great home.
My job is super cool, super fun, and I love everyone I work with.  I have a roof over my head, a car to drive, and live in an amazing area.

I will Thank God this morning for my scratchy throat and facebook.  Because both gave me a reality check on how absolutely blessed I am.  How God is completely in control.  And how I am humbled by the psycho amount of blessings he has bestowed on me - when I don't deserve it.

I love you all... and Merry Christmas.  Xoxo

Irma. She's Violent. Rude. Irrational. And destructive. And she taught me a lot.

As a relatively new Floridian, I have only been through one hurricane.  And that was Hurricane Matthew.  And for those that are in Central Florida during Matthew, it didn't seem much more different than a regular summer thunderstorm, it just lasted longer.  So, when the news started talking about Hurricane Irma, I wasn't scared - I wasn't nervous - I was just like... "I'm sure it's not gonna be that bad..."

Well, first of all, I will openly admit when I am wrong.  I WAS WRONG!  I WAS SO WRONG!  COMPLETELY WRONG!  Now, people are gonna ask why I stayed.  Here's why.  This is my home.  This is where I live and work.  I was never in an evacuation zone, had I been in one - I would have went.  But when I started getting nervous - and feeling like I might should leave, I couldn't.  I mean, I could have - but that was scarier.  There was a gas shortage.  Traffic for days.  And the thought of getting stuck in a town, during a hurricane, not knowing where to go to - or getting stuck on the side of road stranded and unable to get gas - was much scarier than just staying put. 

And, I want to educate anyone who hasn't been through something like this - because I didn't know it until I lived it - but guys, a hurricane is expensive.  So all these people you see going through this - don't just think about the damage to their homes, there I a lot of money that goes to prepping.  And prep properly.  If you board up your windows, figure about $20.00 per window.  You need 20 sandbags?  Add another $50 to $100.  Now, plan on a week without electricity, water, and having food to eat.  Prepping for a hurricane can cost up to $1000 or more.  Depending on the level of prep - and the size of the family. We aren't even talking about the clean up, deductibles, time of work because your job is out of power - etc.  This can really, really hurt people's lives, and knock them so far down on their feet they can't get back up.  I was blessed in this aspect.  But I see it all around me everyday since.  And it's so sad.

This hurricane was the absolute scariest thing I have ever been through.  When you have three kids all looking to you for assuredness that everything is gonna be okay, that's a lot of pressure.  Especially when you are scared yourself, and have to act like you aren't.  It was at it's worst in my area from midnight to about 4:30 am.  That is a long time of wind screaming.  Trees bending sideways.  I was sure, that when I went upstairs, there wouldn't be one.  Water coming in from the floorboards.  And pitch darkness.  It was worse than any horror movie I have ever been in.  And all the while, I had friends texting me - checking to make sure that I was okay. And I was doing the same back.

And then, the sun came up.  And destruction was everywhere.  Shingles littered the ground like French fries in a McDonald's parking lot.  It resembled a war zone.  People out walking just stunned.  Neighbors I haven't seen outside before are out and talking.  People are hugging, and asking if you need anything.  When the sun came up - the outpouring of love of my neighbors, my friends, and gratitude came with it.

We were without power for 3 days.  And that was awful.  But not near as awful as the people who still don't have power.  I never realized how much I depend on electricity.  And here is an FYI also, no electricity - no cell phone towers - signal was blah.  Just trying to call someone was a nightmare.  Our houses are built to be energy efficient!  Which keeps the house warm in the cold months and cool in the warm months - IF YOU HAVE POWER.  If you don't... your house becomes Satan's playground.  Your home smells weird, from lack of air circulation.  Your dirty clothes pile up.  You can't vacuum.  Inside starts looking like a war zone, too.  And then the day that you get glorious power back.  It's a huge relief.  HUGE. 

So here is what I have learned.  I hate hurricanes.  I never want to ever go camping.  I love electricity.  But most importantly - I am so grateful that God had his hand on me and my family and friends - because he is the one who protected us.  I am so thankful for my amazing work family  and friends - who all texted me throughout the night, just checking on me.  I am so thankful for my friends who did the same.  For everyone who offered me a place to stay when we were powerless.  But I also learned I am a true Floridian.  I love this place.  I love the people.  I love my neighbors.  I am madly in love with the people I have met here.  I have also learned, if they ever call for a hurricane that size again, this girl is out.  But, I will come back - because Orlando is home.

The days may be long... but the years are super short.

As most of ya know, I am from northeast Tennessee.  This past week - the kids started school.  My Facebook and Instagram was saturated with adorable pics, of adorable kids, getting ready for their first day of school.  (I also saw some sneaky pics of teenagers - who didn't want their pics made - but their parents got one in anyway...LOL).  But then I saw so many posts of parents who were sad.  Talking about how their kids are getting older, time flies, how did they get so big.... etc.  So, I decided to write out my perspective, maybe it can help someone.

Let's face it - I've been through quite a bit.  This isn't a "feel sorry for me" type of way.  It's just a fact.  That being said - I really think that my story has given me a different outlook on a lot of situations, and for that - I'm grateful.  So this is where I stand with my babies going back to school.

I've got an 18 year old, a 14 year old, and a 7 year old.  And do I dread them going back to school?  Yes.  I love being able to stay up late.  I hate homework.  I love dinner at 8 if you want.  No alarm clock for the kids.  So yeah, a big chunk of me dreads school starting - but it doesn't make me sad.  And here is why.

I love watching these kids learn and grow.  They are going to experience so much in the next school year, that they will be somewhat different people by next summer.  I am going to see chorus concerts, school plays, football games, laughing, crying, studying - and all the emotions that come with each one.  But, they are gonna be different.  Not in a bad way - just in a growing way.

I look at my 18 year old.  This kid has always been my roll dog.  Even when he was a baby.  When he was three, we drove from Tucson to Las Vegas.  We went on a road trip to San Diego.  We drove across the country.  We went to museums in DC.  Then I watched him begin to sing in middle school. Perform.  It was like the cutest little caterpillar turning into a butterfly.  Then I got to watch him adapt to a whole new state, a new school, and watch how he made friends that he had not a lot in common with - all during his freshman year of high school.

In the four high school years, I watched before my eyes this kid turn into a sweet young man.  I went to concerts, plays, I watched him sing in Carnegie Hall.  I watched him learn respect.   Restraint.  I watched him become considerate of others feelings - even when it's hard.  I watched him turn into a man that I think will be an amazing husband and father one day.   The basics are there.  He graduated high school - did fantastic - and continues to impress me each day.  Now time to see what college has in store for him.

My girl is getting ready to go through that - and I look forward to seeing her grow and change.  To find herself and her own self assuredness.  It's gonna be great.

And then little J.  We are just starting.

Are there gonna be a bunch of ups and downs?  Of course.  But quit worrying about the hills, and enjoy the ride.  I promise... It is gonna be fantastic.

Love you guys... and those that are sad - just think how great it is gonna be.  And you get to have the honor of watching these humans blossom.  Enjoy each moment.  Xoxoxo.

I am offically okay with my horse laugh.

Yesterday, one of my friends and I, went to Epcot.  I know, I know - it's completely awesome to live in a place where most people vacation.  That being said - through my Facebook, Instagram, and twitter - I posted pics of the fun of our day.  When I got home, I kept posting some pics - because I am a "sharer".  Well, I should say a "sharer of photos".  I love it seeing pics of my friends and family, their trips, ballgames, all of it.  Just to see what they are doing in their lives and seeing the happy moments.  Especially living far away from everyone I grew up with - I find it a huge blessing that I get to easily keep in contact, and when I see them again, it is like we never left.

I tell you that to say this.  I was straight laughing last night going through our pics from the day.  Here is what I learned - I have a few "Photo Faces".  Here they are in no particular order: 1.Standard Smile 2. Mouth wide open (why I do this I have no idea) 3. Over-exaggerated duck face (Cause that is funny) 4.Or a combo of one of the above faces and laughing.  That's it.  That's all.  But here is what I think is funny.  Most of the pics, were just laughing.  My friend looks beautiful, and I have a horse laugh going on. So we were texting back and forth about it last night, and she said, "Those are my favorites.  They are genuine.  They are you."

Well that made me so happy, that she sees me that way.  Soooo.  I posted the horse laughing pics.  Because she is right. Who cares if I look like a dork that's laughing - I am a laughing dork.  So there we have it.  But then, as I continued to scroll my Facebook feed - I saw something that in all actuality made me sad.  It's the photos of women in my age bracket, posting 'sexy' photos on social media.  I am not talking like naked, dirty pics, not at all.  But you know what I am talking about - the over filtered, seductive pout, in random areas of their lives.  And I thought.... WHY?  Because first of all, I know you in real life.  You don't look like that.  At all.  And let's not get it twisted, I love filters.  Filters can be makeup when you have none on - not judging.  Just making an observation - that when you post 'the seductive selfie' - who in the world are you trying to seduce on Facebook?  Like for real. Because either you are taken, or not.  But here is what I know.  I don't think any man, husband, boyfriend, or potential - would want their lady trying to be seductive in a public forum.  And if they would.... well think about your choices.  So I say this to make you think.

Your smile is beautiful.  Your laugh is gorgeous.  Be okay with that.  Save your 'sexy faces', for those that deserve to see it.  Don't put it out there for the whole world to see.  And our daughters are looking up to us. Let's show them that their smile and laughter is fantastic.  Because that is who they are.

And please know, I am not here throwing stones for anyone who has ever posted the 'sexy face' pic.  And high-five for being able to nail it on que.  I am just saying - love your self more, than feeling like you need everyone to tell you how sexy and perfect you are - and be happy with your horse laugh.  It took me a long time to get to this spot.  And it feels fantastic.

NYC & Carnegie Hall, made me a better mom. I am sure of it.

Sooooooo.....
If we are friends of Facebook - I am sure that you know through my obnoxious serial posts - that I went to NYC this past week.  And here is why I went.  My oldest son, Tariq - and his choir, had the privilege to perform in Carnegie Hall.  Now, whether you are into choir or not - I am sure that you know that this is HUGE. Bucket list type of thing.  So, there was no way I wasn't going to go.  Just wasn't gonna happen.

Now let me give you a little back-story.  I am not the chaperone-type of mom.  Or the "homeroom" mother - type of mom.  I love my kids more than anything in this entire planet - which is why I have always stayed away from it.  I run a tight ship at my house - and I do recognize that people parent differently than I do.  But, I am just gonna be honest here - I think my way is right. (I'm kidding - but I am really kinda not.)  I believe in manners.  I believe in "Ma'am and Sir".  I believe in having fun - but also knowing how to behave as not to be "bratty".  Smart mouthed kids - overbearing parents, well that is a dangerous mix for me.  But, after the begging from my kid - to "Pleeaaassseee chaperone, mommy - IT'S MY SENIOR YEAR!"  I couldn't say no.  He never asks for anything - and is a great kid.  And let's be honest - when your kid is a senior in high school - and wants you around - you jump on that.

So, off we went.  To New York City.  Me and what would would be 74 of my family members by the end of the week.  And here are a few things that I learned.  And man, I wish  I knew this a long time ago.

First, to Dr. Redding and Mr. Yasay (the choir directors) - You have created an amazing bunch of kids. Their manners, the respect, and great attitudes - were a breath of fresh air.  I honestly didn't believe that such a large number of kids could be so well-behaved and respectful.  It was beautiful to see the way these kids looked up to you both.  The admiration - the love - and the respect.  Frankly, gave me hope for the future.

Second, whenever you are faced with a challenge, embrace it.  I am private, and a touch reclusive.  I was thrown into a situation with a roommate - and I always - and I mean ALWAYS - had people around me.  And guess what?  They were great.  Everyone of them.  I made some lifelong friends on this trip - and I never thought that would happen.  Ever.

Third, when your kid is passionate about something.  Don't dismiss it.  Encourage it.  (Unless it is drugs or something horrible, obviously - LOL).  I never understood Tariq's obsession with choir - Choir music - the whole thing - because I chose not to be involved.  I will regret that for the rest of my life.  But I am so grateful, that at the least, I had this year.  I always encouraged him, although I never participated.  I went to every concert- but that was about it.  I heard stories from a few kids, where their parents don't get it - and almost "make fun" of them for it.  And you could see on their face - that it hurt them.  And that, broke my heart.  Don't be that parent.  (And... *sidebar -- I learned this.  I love reggae music - and now - I love choral music.  I listened, I learned, and I now can hear the beauty in it.  Never thought I'd say that either.)

But fourth, and most importantly - I realized this to be true.  There is nothing.  And I mean absolutely NOTHING - that you can't achieve if you set your mind to it.  I know it sounds cliche, I get it.  And yes, it's  positive, blah blah blah.  I never thought it was true.  I really didn't.  But I saw it this week.  I saw kids - who have worked hard - sing in Carnegie Hall.  I saw a man, who had to work hard - conduct in Carnegie Hall - and this wasn't his first time.  I saw actors and actresses in a studio - practicing - to pursue their dream.  And here is what I am saying - If you work hard at your passion - success will come to you - I believe that.  If you encourage others, don't have jealousy in your spirit, and pray for the hearts and lives of those around you - it's amazing what can happen.

So, you all know who you are.  My fellow chaperones and students.  Thank you.  Thanks for making me a better human.  Thanks for teaching/forcing me it's okay to open up - a least some.  Thanks for the laughs. All the tears.  And giving this momma - and new focus and outlook. I love you guys.  And miss you already!

 WOHS CHOIR - Wow!

Though She May Be Little.... She is Fierce. She is my Warrior.

So... What an amazingly, perfect weekend.  As you all know, I am a momma of three.  And this past weekend, I had signed up to do the Warrior Dash.  (If you don't know what that is - It's an obstacle course/mud run).  Well, Bella - being my little roll dog - said that she would go and cheer me on.  I was so excited to have her with me. 

It was about an hour drive away from the house.  We stopped at Starbucks before we left, got a coffee, and then hit the road.  We laughed, we talked, we sang - and just had a fun drive down.  We arrive at the Warrior Dash.  Now, let me backup - I have done these before.  She has been to different ones - so the event itself was nothing new to her.  I begin to go through the steps - to get checked in, and we meet up with our friends.  Well,  in a small conversation - something amazing happened. 

First, two of my three kids - almost pride themselves on their non-athletic ability.  They are computer/techie kinda kids.  They don't like sports.  They might watch it on TV - but don't participate.  I am not that way at all.  I'd rather be outside playing - than stuck inside.  One of the many reasons I am so grateful that I live in Florida now.  But, Bella - is one of those kids.  The non - athletic one.  The one who loves rainy days, cold weather, that's her. 

One of our friends, asked her if she wanted to do the race.  She said she didn't have any shoes, and shoes appeared. (My friend had extra - in her size.)  She said she didn't have any shorts, and guess what?  We had some of those.  She said she didn't have a shirt to change into.  Well, I bought her one.  So what does she do?  She agrees to do it.

I am not gonna lie.  I was so pumped - but also super scared for her.  Mind you - she states that she isn't athletic.  And this race is no joke.  But I tried to keep my nervousness at bay - and just prepped myself that if she can't - at least she tried.  Well, let me tell you.  I could not have been any more wrong. 

This child, this self proclaimed "non-athletic" child, nailed it.  She ran.  And she ran well.  She did every, single obstacle.  She jumped in a cold lake.  She jumped over fire.  She climbed a 20+ foot wall.  And she did it with a smile and grace.  She never complained.  She never wanted to quit.  She made me so proud.  And she taught me a lot that day. 

I think we often think we are incapable of doing things - because someone put a label on us.  Don't let a label defy you.  If you have the desire.  The drive - you can.  And with all of my positive speaking - my "believe in yourself" mantras - It took my little girl, getting muddy - for me to realize it.

So guess what?  We have another race coming up in April.  We are a team.  A momma/daughter OCR/ Iron ANT Fitness - ATHLETIC TEAM!  We will train and get stronger - and do it together.  I am a super-duper proud momma, of a fierce little warrior.

Why you gotta be so cruel....

So, here I am, three weeks into being.... wait for it.... VEGAN.  And vegan by diet alone.  I know, I know.  First, let me explain why I made this choice.  And key word - is CHOICE.  I decided, for my personal health, to make a personal decision, to try and go vegan for 21 days.  Here we are.  And today, I am continuing it.  Why?  There are so many reasons why.  I want to let you know, although I don't judge anyone who does do it for moral reason because they have a passion for animals - this was not my reason at all.  I am saying that - just to be honest.  I tried something - and I am loving it.
I don't expect anyone to do it along with me, it is a personal decision of my own.  And I say that - to say this. 

Why in the world are people so hateful?  In the past three weeks - I have had more people degrade me, laugh at me, question my intelligence, and question my health - all based upon the fact because it has been noticed that I eat differently than I used to.  Here are a few of the little sly remarks I have heard, and here are the remarks in my head, which I wasn't brave enough to say out loud.
1. "Wow.  I would never do that."  (ok.  cool.)
2.  "How are you gonna get enough protein?  Vegans get sick all the time.  You are gonna get sick." (Nope.  I have sense.  I know what to eat.  And where was your concern when I was eating fast food - and junk?  Oh wait. There was none.)
3.  "So, are you going to start smoking weed and not showering now?" (Obviously.  Since I am no longer eating meat - I also don't bathe and start smoking weed.  Of course.  I mean really people. I honestly can't believe what will come out of some people's mouth.)
4.  "So, did you ever eat meat?  Like a really good steak?" (Just because someone is vegan - doesn't mean that they never liked the taste of meat, cheese, or dairy.  It just means we made a choice.  No different than someone who works out - doesn't mean they didn't used to be lazy.  They just made a choice.)
5.   "I feel sorry for you - because you can't eat."  (Well, sweetie - I went to a plant based diet.  Not a feeding tube.  And, What I am eating - is delicious.)

And trust - there are tons more.  Here is what I am saying... This is the first time I am "announcing" that I am vegan.  And I know there is the stereotypical thoughts that people have when they think of someone saying vegan.  But guess what - I am not that at all.  And I would dare bet - 95% of vegans aren't.  We just think about the loud ones.  And I am vegan for now - I don't  know if I will always be one.  But, I feel great - better than I have in years - and I don't plan on quitting.  That's just me.  And I don't care what anyone else eats.  You wanna know why?  Because it's their body - not mine.  Only you know what is best for you - not me.  And here is the funny thing - I expected this to be soooo hard for me.  I really did.  I have failed at many different diets in my 39 years on this planet.  And my goal was 21 days.  Maybe I am older, maybe more committed to my health now.  Who knows. 

But here is the funny thing.  I was talking to an amazing friend of mine yesterday - and they said to me, "I really think you like being vegan.  Just don't try to convert me."  And they laughed.  And I laughed.  And here is why I laughed.  They have been behind me and supportive this whole way.  And they aren't a vegan.  Don't wanna be.  But they care about me.  They are happy for me.  And they support something that they can see is making a positive change in my life.  And isn't that the way we all should be?  Stand beside people we care about.  That's all I am asking.  And hey - there is enough of people being mean nowadays... Let's just have a little support and friendship.