Saturday, October 22, 2011

A night to let go...

Tonight, we had a bonfire with my Lifegroup.  And we put on a notecard, the things that we wanted to let go.  Things that we wanted to rid ourselves of so that we can move forward with God's plan for our lives.  And, I had a list.  A big one.  And seeing that box  - in the middle of a fire - going up in flames - was powerful.  And you could really feel the presence of God there.  And it was great to let those things go.  Not just let them go - but really acknowledge them.  And then release them. I have had so many feelings and questions since Shaun died.  And I never wanted to acknowledge them.  I want him home in the worse way ever.  But I realize that he is the one who is home, I'm not.  I have a lot of fear.  Fear that something could happen to one of my kids, my friends, my family.  And it scares me.  A ridiculous amount.  I want to keep everyone close and safe.  And I realize that Shaun was home, and safe - and there was nothing I could do - which makes me feel helpless in a way.  To acknowledge my insane amount of fear and to let it go - or at least acknowledge it - felt like a step in the right direction.  Acknowledgement is a powerful thing, I believe.  I recommend it.  I really do.  So, I wanna say thanks to Lifepoint - for producing the Living the Dream series.  I want to live mine.

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