I really love my husband. I know he's no longer here, but I love him so much. Today I took the kids to Wal-Mart for school supplies. Not only did it cost me $98.00 and I did not deviate from the list (with the exception of marshmallows, vegetable oil, hershey bar 6 pack, and graham crackers.) But I realized I abhor school shopping. Shaun did always did it. And never complained. Well, I am not Shaun, and I did it - but I did complain - as I am now. But anyway, I digress. He did these little things just to help out and I love him for it.
But here's a neat thing. I have great friends. Amazing even. But today, Jacqueline flew to Atlanta leaving me with a weird level of anxiety. I don't know what it is. I am psychotically co-dependent on the woman. She is a huge level of comfort for me. I can go to her with anything at all - stupid or not - and she never thinks it is. And if she does, she doesn't say so. I know I can call her all hours of the night, she will answer, and if I need her, she will come. I haven't called her at all hours of the night, but I'm just saying, if I had to, there she would be.
I have another friend Krissie who is the same. But a few months ago she moved to DC for her job. I hated it and I still do. She was known as the "sister wife" of me and Shaun. We all three hung out together, went to church together, went to dinner together, always having kids in tow. It was a man on man defense. Three kids - three adults. But we figured we looked like "Big Love" walking around, so we jokingly called her my sister wife. She spoke at Shaun's service, and even referenced it.
So, tonight, Krissie came to spend the night and is going to church in the morning. I was playing the song "Hey Soul Sister" so she could hear what made me cry... and of course - I was crying. I didn't have to point out what parts. But then I look up, and it's pouring the rain - we are on the front porch, and there is a huge rainbow. And it was like - wow! And as we talked about Shaun, it got brighter. It made me smile. And I thought of this. No matter how dark and rainy the sky seems, there can still be a rainbow. And, if you focus on that tiny bit of beauty, in the middle of a storm, It just might get brighter. And as it gets brighter, you might get to where you can't see it anymore. And if you can't see it anymore, More than likely the storm is over and the sun is shining. So, I see a rainbow. I am gonna keep focusing on my rainbow. And although I know it's never gonna be, " a balmy 75 degrees and perfect blue skies", I can pray for the storm clouds to get smaller and be off in the distance. And be thankful for that moment of beauty in a storm. Cause It was a stormy day - and I got my little rainbow.
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