Yes, as of 9:44 PM - I have 5,441 photos on my camera roll.

It's funny, in a an absurd type of way - but it's true.  I bought an iPhone 6 plus, one year ago.  It's the one with 128 mb.  And you want to know why I bought it? Because the level of storage for photos was so high.  I have two obsessions.  One is music, the other is photos.  An iPhone - well provides both.  That is, as long as you have the memory for it.  So when it came out - I was on it.  There was nothing I hated more, than getting ready to take a picture, and my phone stop me.  The phone would tell me, I needed to delete a picture to take another picture.  Did this phone know what it was asking me to do?  How do I delete a moment, to create another?  What if I didn't save it?  Needless to say, it was drove me nuts.  And you want me to delete a song?  No.  'Nuff said.

I had a conversation with one of my bosses this week, about iPhone Vs. Android.  He asked me why I loved the iPhone, although he has one.  I told him the above.  And he said, "You really take that many pictures?".  Yes, I do.

So this weekend, I looked through them.  And didn't delete any.  But I did notice this. Photos tell such a story, that we might not remember.  Photos tell the truth.  They show happiness, sadness, and absence.  They capture moments that we forget.  They an often show how you feel, even when you didn't realize you felt that way.  I saw a photo of me and Jacoby - and he was squeezing my neck, from behind.  I remember, that I felt so thankful.  In that moment - I felt teary.  And I posted it on Facebook and Instagram - and no one knew I was teary in the picture.  But I remembered when I saw it.  After everything I have been through - I was thankful.  And completely at peace with those little hands around my neck.  I was okay with the hand I had been given.  Because, although it was a horrible road - God got me to where I am at today.

Photographs can show you things you can't see through your own eyes.  Maybe you can't see how beautiful you are.  How great you look when you laugh.  Sometimes, Looking at a photo - can tell you more than you thought you ever knew.  So, keep your photos.  Save them - and let's be a little different.  Print some out - hang them on your wall.  Keep your amazing moments in your foreground.  I posted a quote a few months back on Facebook, I believe, and it said, "Photographs seems unimportant, until that's all you have left."  For some parts of my life, photographs are the only proof it existed.  But for now, in my current life, photographs show me how lucky I am.

Have a great night.  Xoxo.

Let brotherly love continue.  Hebrews 13:1

He has now been gone for 4 years....

I had a post written previously, that I was gonna post today.  But, on my drive home - I changed my mind.  So if it seems like it rambles, I apologize in advance.  I had the benefit of telling a guy I worked with today, about Shaun.  Telling him that today was the anniversary of his death.  And he, in turn, told me about his friend Sean, that had passed awhile back.  And he said to me, "I view death differently.  Although it is sad that they are gone - I look at it that at least I had the opportunity to know this person."  And as he said that, it stung my heart.  It made me take a different turn.  And I am so thankful I had those years with Shaun.  I really am.  That being said, today still sucks.  This day reminds me of the fear, pain, stress, shock, and deep throat sadness I felt that day.  I hope it gets better as time goes on, but as I have previously stated, I am not a fan of June 23rd.

On my drive home, I thought about that - blasting my iPod in the background.  And I thought about the changes that I have made in my life since he is gone.  I have done things I never would have thought possible.  I have spoken in front of crowds.  I have started a blog.  A website.  I have helped people.  I have worked my fingers to the bone.  I scrimped and saved.  I struggled.  I was a pit bull, fighting for her pups.  My relationship with my children morphed into something I never knew it could.  I never knew - the level of passion and protection I could have for them.  I thought I knew before, but I had no idea.  I am proud of the woman I have become.

But, that being said - there are some bad that came with it.  I am much more callous. I am much more choosey over what I will shed my tears over.  I can be vicious.  But at the same time, I still can cry when someone else is sad.  I guess, sometimes I can play down others issues, because they weren't as dramatic as mine.  But I am working on that.  I want to help people be happy.  I want people to love like there is no tomorrow.  I want them to know what I know - without the journey to go with it.

So here is what I am trying to say.  Shaun Greenberg, You changed my heart, mind, and soul forever.  I love you.  I always will.  And I will make you proud.    I promise that.  So, below, I am posting a song.  I love this version.  Listen to it - all the way through.  I feel like the first part, is me.  The second part, is what Shaun would sing back.  I knew the first time I heard this - It strung a chord in my heart.  I didn't realize until today - why.  And if you wanna know how I feel - that nails it.  100%. I can't write it down any better than he can sing it.

Closing Time....

First of all, if you are reading this blog on a mobile device.... scroll down to the bottom of the page and click the button that allows you to see it as the web version.  And then - sit back and be amazed.  I changed the whole look of the blog - after years of it being the same.  And to you, that might not seem like a big deal - but for me - it's huge.  This blog started as a way to let the world know how I was surviving that day.  Now, it's transformed into much more for me.  It has turned into a way to share my thoughts, feelings, and views.  And that is something I used to be so scared to share.  I didn't want people to think that I was stupid - or tell me I was wrong, a million different fears behind being outspoken and open.

Well boy, have times changed.  While working on changing the look and the name of the blog - I read a lot of my old posts.  And It was funny and eye-opening to see the way I have transformed over the years.  And it also floored me that I have been doing this for YEARS!  How is that even possible?  I have learned so much in the past few years - and I have changed in so many ways.  I guess I had my "coming of age" a little later than most.

So here is what I want you to know about the new look.  And yes - It all pretty much radically changed.  I threw the blog up 7 days after Shaun died.  I wasn't really concerned about how it looked.  It was just a way to breathe.  Now, I want you to see me.  Who I am.  Now.  Because of this wicked journey that I had to go on.  And who I am is this - A girl who has had a lot of heartache and pain - but it has always been out weighed by the love and goodness I have had around me.  My life is not perfect - I have struggles.  But I am blessed beyond measure.  I have people who love me.  Care about me.  And help me daily.  What more can you ask for?

Now, If you haven't noticed - the name has changed, too.  It was "iwillalwaysloveyoushaun.blogspot.com" -- and well, that's a lot.  It's now http://www.princessprophecies.blogspot.com.  Because, that's where I am going.  Onward and upward.  Time to get the book out.  And link it all together.  So here is my first step - I changed the name.  I changed the look.  And I love it.  I hope everyone else does too!!!!!  And I want to thank my techie people who made this happen.  It made me deep down, like in the center of my core, happy.  You didn't have to do it - and I can't thank you enough for doing it anyway.

And here's the thing - It's "closing time" on the old... and like Semisonic, not Third Eye Blind - said, " Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end."  Here's my new beginning on this journey - and I am stoked.  Much more to come.  Love you all.  Xoxoxoxoxo