Feelings aren't Facts.

*Disclaimer – this was written almost a month ago.  I just wasn’t sure if I wanted to post it or not.  But, today – I thought someone could benefit from it.*

I hope this helps someone today.

Too much to get into all the details – but today – I felt unappreciated.  It’s one of those things where it was weighing on my mind and heart.  Where you feel your heart, like are actually aware of the organ in your chest.  Swallowing seemed difficult.  And I felt like the weight of the world on my shoulders and wanted to cry.  

And then,  it hit me.  I am doing what I can.  And I don’t need the outside approval of others to confirm that for myself.  So many people are focused on being  perfect, rich, smartest, best, number one, etc – and I felt like, here I am – trying to make my tribe (and all those related to it) feel  loved and valued.  While trying to productive, perfect, make money, have the best numbers, look pretty, and be noticed and successful. And I don’t feel like anyone cares or appreciates it.  And yes - I just admitted - I care about all the things that I said others focus on.  I am not judging.  I am just saying, I also try to add value and love to those I interact with first.

It hit me.  Stop focusing on feeling bad.  Focus on the fact that you are alive and happy.  Realize that not everyone is always going to behave the way you want them to.  And just because they don’t – doesn’t mean that they don’t care.  It just means – that they might be going through their own stuff.  They might not feel like they need to acknowledge it.  And honestly, why do I expect acknowledgement?  Shouldn’t I be doing it – because I mean it, I love them, and I want the best for them - with no level of expectation back? 

Absolutely.  Sometimes, things can get so overwhelming for me – I feel like I can’t breathe.  I have worn my emotions on my sleeve for years – but one day, I started choking them down.  And just because I choke them down – doesn’t mean that they aren’t there.  They just aren’t seen as visibly to everyone.    So, to everyone who tells me how strong I am – thank you.  But the only real strength I have, is being able to hide my feelings from most people.  

Here is real talk.  I am not that strong.  I am actually pretty weak.  I have basic needs.  I need to be loved.   Valued.  And appreciated.  I get lonely.  I get sad.  I get scared.  I get overwhelmed.  And all of that can happen in under thirty seconds!  Where I feel weaker – is the fact that I struggle with admitting that I am human.  There is a total of about 3 people on this planet who know that part of me.  I am grateful for them - because without them - I'd probably lose my mind.   I don’t admit it often.  But today, I thought – let it rip.  Someone needs to know it’s okay to be human, too.   But while we are being human – let’s extend some grace to our loved ones and let them be human, also. 

Because let's be honest - our feelings aren't facts.

Xoxo.

Kristie

Fierce. Focused. And Fabulous.

Good tag line, right? 

I bet ya are like... Woah.  Kristie is back!  I know.. I know... I haven't posted in 9 months.  Think about that.  That's the time it takes to have a baby!!!!!!!! I could tell you all the reasons I haven't posted, but to be honest, I don't even know what they are myself.  So, I can give you a little update.  It's 2018, my first post of 2018! But 2018 has been good to me...  I mean, look at the title of the post. 

So, If you all know that chick, introduce me.  Because I am definitely not talking about myself.  But let's be honest.  Life Goals.  At any given point, I might be one of those things, but not all three.   But I am a whole lot more intelligent that I was in 2017.  Forty has been good to me.  It has been super tough, but super great.  I am finally coming into my own self.  My own confidence.  My own voice. 

This year, I have learned a few things, and that's why I am writing this blog.  I wanted to share.
1.  If there is something that you don't like about yourself.  Change it. It might not be easy, but it will be worth it.  If you don't like your hair, cut it - or grow it out.  If you don't like that you smoke - quit.  If you don't like your pants size - do something to change it.  If you don't like your attitude - check it.
2.  Take control of your self, but when you do that, take others into consideration.  I have seen so many girlfriends lose themselves in a relationship - or lose a great relationship because of themselves.  There is nothing healthy about someone who is always demanding, negative, or threatening in any relationship.  The "you better or I will...." or the "if you love me..." .  It's too much. And people can only take so much.
3.  If you stay calm, everyone gets calmer.  I swear.  It's true.  Breathe and stay calm.  Good lessons, especially for work situations.
4.  Take time for yourself.  Do yoga.  Meditate.  Take baths.  Listen to Audiobooks.  All good stuff.
5.  Do something is self help each week.  I don't know what that is for you - but find it and do it.
6.  Wear yoga pants whenever possible... but be careful wearing them outside the house.
7.  Be okay with telling your significant other/parent/child that you want to see them.  Spend time with them.  Don't be afraid to show you  care and can be vulnerable.  If they don't make you a priority - you might need to reevaluate the need. 
8.  A thoughtful text can change your mood.  Completely.
9.  When people love you - they encourage you to step outside your comfort zone.  Don't get mad at them for it - they see something you don't.
10.  Eat Guacamole.  It's a health food.  And delicious.
11.  Get to know what your family and/or significant other's love language is.  And do it.  If your child's is gift giving - stop by 7-11 on the way home and get them their favorite candy.  If your s/o is physical touch - kiss them on the lips for more than a peck, or make some time for "sexy time." 
12.  Don't keep your compliments in.  Just don't.  If you love a stranger's skirt - let em know.  You think your s/o is the most gorgeous person on the planet - let them know. 
13.  This is for Ladies Only.  DO NOT - I REPEAT - DO NOT... EVER ALLOW YOURSELF TO NOT HAVE GIRLS NITE.  Ladies, we need time to bond.  I don't care if it is GNO - brunch - phone conversations - make your friendships a priority just as much as your romantic relationships.  This goes for married, single, dating - I don't care.  Cherish your friends and make time for them.  And guys, encourage your ladies to do it. 
14.  Be a good parent.  Make your kids come first.  They will notice it.  For real.  And please, discipline them.  Don't let them be out of control crazies. 
15.  Be a smart social media user.  Don't be negative.  Don't be mean.  Don't be skanky. 
16.  On the genre of social media.  If someone is rude, negative, makes you feel bad about yourself - block them.  You don't owe them an explanation, but if they ask.  Tell the truth.  Simple. 
17.  If you don't know how to do something, get on YouTube.  I guarantee there is a video for that... My fave is Kandee Johnson makeup videos, but... I also learned how to thaw an AC unit.
18.  Last but not least... Be kind and pray.  Make sure you love on people. And let yourself be loved.

And that folks, is a wrap for today.  Lots of  Life lessons.  Even more Gratitude.  Love you guys.  Never sink.  Xoxox