Closing Time....

First of all, if you are reading this blog on a mobile device.... scroll down to the bottom of the page and click the button that allows you to see it as the web version.  And then - sit back and be amazed.  I changed the whole look of the blog - after years of it being the same.  And to you, that might not seem like a big deal - but for me - it's huge.  This blog started as a way to let the world know how I was surviving that day.  Now, it's transformed into much more for me.  It has turned into a way to share my thoughts, feelings, and views.  And that is something I used to be so scared to share.  I didn't want people to think that I was stupid - or tell me I was wrong, a million different fears behind being outspoken and open.

Well boy, have times changed.  While working on changing the look and the name of the blog - I read a lot of my old posts.  And It was funny and eye-opening to see the way I have transformed over the years.  And it also floored me that I have been doing this for YEARS!  How is that even possible?  I have learned so much in the past few years - and I have changed in so many ways.  I guess I had my "coming of age" a little later than most.

So here is what I want you to know about the new look.  And yes - It all pretty much radically changed.  I threw the blog up 7 days after Shaun died.  I wasn't really concerned about how it looked.  It was just a way to breathe.  Now, I want you to see me.  Who I am.  Now.  Because of this wicked journey that I had to go on.  And who I am is this - A girl who has had a lot of heartache and pain - but it has always been out weighed by the love and goodness I have had around me.  My life is not perfect - I have struggles.  But I am blessed beyond measure.  I have people who love me.  Care about me.  And help me daily.  What more can you ask for?

Now, If you haven't noticed - the name has changed, too.  It was "iwillalwaysloveyoushaun.blogspot.com" -- and well, that's a lot.  It's now http://www.princessprophecies.blogspot.com.  Because, that's where I am going.  Onward and upward.  Time to get the book out.  And link it all together.  So here is my first step - I changed the name.  I changed the look.  And I love it.  I hope everyone else does too!!!!!  And I want to thank my techie people who made this happen.  It made me deep down, like in the center of my core, happy.  You didn't have to do it - and I can't thank you enough for doing it anyway.

And here's the thing - It's "closing time" on the old... and like Semisonic, not Third Eye Blind - said, " Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end."  Here's my new beginning on this journey - and I am stoked.  Much more to come.  Love you all.  Xoxoxoxoxo

Yep… I'm Happy… It's for real.

So, if you are friends with me on Facebook - you see my daily antics with my family.  But, this Saturday, I posted a video of me and my kiddos lip-syncing to the Black Eyed Peas in my car.  To be honest, that is a normal Saturday for us.  I am a working mom, so Saturday is the day that we get errands done.  So - I turn errands into quality family time - as the best I can.  But - this video - got a huge response.  People were sharing the video that I didn't know.  And I was reading comments like, "That's a cool mom", "They are making boring fun"… , etc.  And then I got messages to my inbox.  And frankly, they were praising me for being happy.  And here's the thing - I am.

I was asked today, by a co-worker - "How are you always so upbeat and happy?  I mean, after all you have been through.  I haven't been through anything like that - and I don't know how you always so upbeat.  Always."  So I thought about it - and here's my answer.  First of all, I am not always upbeat.  I have a job that can be demanding.  I get stressed.  My kids try my patience at times.  I have problems.  I have struggles.  There are feelings deep down inside me that no one knows about.  Worries.  Stresses.  But, I acknowledge them everyday.  And choose to let it go.  I am happy.

I have been through a lot.  I found my husband after he died.  I worried about how I would support my kids.  I didn't know how I could afford to feed them at times.  And I had a huge network of people around me, who would help with anything, but I was too proud to ask/accept help.  My canned answer was "We are fine, but if I need anything, I will let you know."  There were points - where people loved me enough to force their help on me.  And that was the biggest gift ever.

But now, I don't have those worries anymore.  It's everyday life stresses.  But - everyday, I am happy.  I "honor every moment".  My friend, Jacqueline - coined that phrase for me.  Whether it's watching the moon glow over a lake, laughing with your kid struggling with shopping bags in the grocery store parking lot, and lip syncing like a 16 year old while driving down the road with your kids.  I will embrace every moment that I am given.  Because I realize that is all we have right now.  Those moments.  So hold on to each one, and laugh in each one.  And when you get overwhelmed - realize that next week it might not be an issue.  But if it is, work through it - and go on to the next one.

So here's a list of what I am happy about today.
1.  I went to the gym on time.  #winning
2.  I made it through another work day.  Although at times, that was a little shaky.  LOL!
3. When the garage door opens, I have 2 faces staring at me straight on - one in the rear view mirror - and everyone is excited to see each other.
4.  I have an iPod.  Music makes me happy.  I sing loud in the car - it isn't always lip syncing.
5.  I have a family that loves me.  My brother in law called me the other day, for no reason at all, just to say "Hi." and check in.  Curtiss - you rock.  That made my day.
6.  I know what it's like to love.  And be loved.
7.  I love my tattoos.  Anytime I am sad, I look at them and smile.  They all mean something to me.
8.  I have a Mac.  That should make anyone happy.  :-)

Have a great nite…. and go to bed happy.  XOXO

Making memories - one song at a time!

So, here I am again. Thought of something profound, and decided that I would share.  Today, I spent the whole day with my kiddos.  And that isn't something  that I get to do a lot, because I am a working mom.  And often, when I get a decent quantity of time with them, I try to fill it with "super fun" and "exciting" things to do.  Take for instance yesterday.  I told them on Friday night, that I would take them to dinner on Saturday - and they could pick the place.  Off to the Cheesecake factory we went.  And don't get me wrong, we had a great meal - talked, it was a good time.  But nothing compared to the time we had today.

I will say I am an unconventional mom in many ways - uber conventional in others.  All I want is to raise good, compassionate, level-headed kids - who don't act ridiculous and love God.  I don't care if they are athletes, singers, engineers, or ditch diggers.  I want them to work hard and love harder.  And enjoy every single moment of this life.

So, this afternoon we decide to go to the craft store to pick up a few things.  We were sitting in the office area, talking about what we needed (and by we - I mean Isabella and myself, Tariq would probably choke if he thought anyone was thinking he was 'crafting') and listening to iTunes.  Then we all started singing.

Well, what ensued, was a plan that involved painters tape, an Ipad, song selection, and a whole lot of laughing.  I learned something today - no matter how much "fun" you try to slam into a small amount of time, it will not be perfect.  What makes perfection is enjoying each other's personalities, and having fun in the moment.  Don't let those moments pass by.  And if possible… set it to music and record it - so you can keep it forever.  Oh yeah - and laugh.  Hard.  I know I did.  Hope you do too.

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