"It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are." ~E.E. Cummings
And one more.....
"Almost every man wastes part of his life in attempts to display qualities which he does not possess, and to gain applause which he cannot keep. " ~Samuel Johnson, The Rambler, 1750
So, I have found my topic of thought - which has stewed in my head in little, wispy, thoughts - all around me. But there are many, many things I miss about Shaun. But here is one - the man loved it when I was just me. Just me-in all forms. Shaun realized something - that being a great man, a great father, a great husband, did not require him being right - he just needed to be real. He didn't hide anything. And what I mean in that, is if he acted mad - and I asked him what was wrong - he told me. If he didn't like something I did, the kids did, he told me. He rarely kept things bottled up. He kept some things personal - I don't think being real means being a complete open book to everyone you meet - but he was Shaun. He dressed the way he wanted to. He sang as loud as he wanted to. He had a question, he asked it. You asked his opinion (you better really want it) - because he would give it to you lock, stock, and barrel. And here is what I think - you have to know yourself to be yourself. Have to. Otherwise you are gonna have some problems.
And I have learned a lot about myself the last 8 weeks. And I will be myself. If someone asks me a question - expect an honest answer. I will let everyone know how I believe, I will recognize my short-comings, and work on those. Why? Because I want people to know the real me - and love the real me. I can't worry about being over sensitive to the where no one really gets to know me. I want people to experience what I am experiencing - but without the tragedy that it took to get me here.
But I will wear funky shoes, cool jewelry, and have tattoos. Why? Because they make me smile. And if folks think it's weird? Then let's talk about it - we might become buddies. And frankly, we only live once. And it can be over in an instant. Live your life to the fullest - enjoy every second - and make an impact on humanity while you do it. Of course you will cry - I do about 70 times a day. But I will make God proud, Shaun proud, my kids proud - and I will die trying to do so. Love you guys...
(And sidenote - Shaun loved the weird jewelry, funky shoes, weird accessories - and he would always say, "Now babe, that's you. I never thought I would say that about anyone - but you rock it. " So, apparently, when you are yourself, you rock it. So - Let's all rock it. Cause Shaun loved himself some Shaun - and he rocked it, too!)
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